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Sunday, May 15, 2005

Another go at it...

Yeah...I haven't been so good with the writing lately. And I haven't even really been so good with the blog-looking either (though I've been checking in on Crista to see if Bella's made her appearance yet). I've actually been busy. Unpacking, class, work, life. It's time for a break.
I'm possibly up for a promotion. Well...I'm not up for one...I'm going to apply for one. The assistant manager of our department is going away to grad school and so his position will be open. Since I've got experience in managing (coffee shops) and I need to do something more with my life and make some money too, I've decided to go for it. I'm really hoping that this will work. We need something to work for us. It's been a shitty year. We also need some more money. So this weekend I should be working on my resume. By Tuesday I should be done.
Another possible change is that I'm heavily considering going back on the pill. I've actually made an appointment to see my OB/Gyn to talk about the best option for me. Between a possible new job and the fear of another unplanned pregnancy ending in miscarriage, I've decided that this is possibly the smartest thing to do right now. It's a big decision for numerous reasons.
About two years ago I stopped taking the pill after being on it for three years (not really a long time compared to most women). For the most part, my experience with it wasn't so bad after I figured out which one was best for me. My first try was with something called Alesse. It was supposed to be something with the least amount of hormones. After about two months on it, I realized that it made me really depressed. I'd cry at the drop of a hat. After that I was put on something called Triorva (the generic brand, I think). That seemed to treat me well for a while until my periods started getting a little weird. They would last for a long time. Usually they last for about 4 or 5 days a the longest. But when my body started getting funny with the pill my period would last for a week and a half at times. I went to see my doctor about this after a while. At the time I didn't have an OB/Gyn. She decided to switch me to a new pill. For about two months I was fine, but then on the third month my cycle lasted too long. That was two years ago when me and Star decided that I would just go off it and we'd use condoms, etc. I liked on being off the pill because I felt like I had more of a sex drive again and I thought I'd lose weight. I didn't lose the weight, in fact I've put more on since then (though not to the fault of the pill most likely). I also felt mentally better too. All of this was good until my two miscarriages in three months.
Now I'm not so mentally good anymore and I'm too scared to have sex sometimes. As much as I want a baby I'm petrified of getting pregnant again before I'm able to take the progesterone supplements and be ready for a healthy pregnancy. As much as I don't like the idea of putting chemicals in my body again, the idea of a pregnancy right now just scares the shit out of me. I don't think I could handle another miscarriage. I know some women go through many, but I just don't see myself surviving another. I can't do it.
So on June 6th, I'm going to see my doctor to talk and possibly get a prescription for a new pill. Yes, I've thought about other forms of birth control, but none seem to be what I think would be best for me right now. One of the reasons I waited to go on something was because I suppose I was hoping that we would be able to intentionally try again soon. But there's just no way that we could attempt pregnancy with all of the debt and other shit we have going on right now. It would not be wise for us to attempt pregnancy right now.
I'm thinking about the patch-thing that has the same hormonal stuff as the pill. That seems like something decent. We'll see. I hope my doctor will give me some advice that I will like.

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