mu's world

nothingness

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Writer's block or something like that

I seem to over analyze EVERYTHING. Everything seems, to me, to be strangely related in an odd way some days. It can drive me crazy.
This weekend is a little bit of a crazy weekend. Here are a few reasons...We are starting our moving process...Our best (pregnant) friends are visiting from Montana...I'm supposed to be writing a seven page paper that is due on Thursday...Tomorrow is a sad "anniversary" of sorts, it's a rough estimate of a due date for our second pregnancy that didn't work out.
It's kind of funny how all of these things seem to have to happen at the same time. Well, no, it's not funny. It's interesting.
Yes...I feel overwhelmed. I'm beyond overwhelmed...I think I'm actually a little numb right now.
I feel like I should be more emotional. But I'm not really...not too much any way. I did get a little teary-eyed when my mother asked me if I was feeling depressed "or anything". But other than that, I just still can't believe that we've dealt with two miscarriages. It's so incredibly unfair to me at times. And it's shocking how easy it seems to be for every body else to be pregnant. My friend's pregnancy has been pretty easy. She's not been too sick, at least for a while. And she's not even had an ultrasound yet (and she may not). She's going to a midwife. My other good friend's sister is also pregnant and she's about the same due date as my good friend. And her pregnancy seems to be pretty easy too.
I could have had a baby this weekend.
That is so incredibly crazy.
It does hit me...hard...every once in a while. Unfortunately, I don't have the time to be able to mope or cry about it. We are too busy having to move and deal with other shit.
I wish we could get a break.

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