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Sunday, March 06, 2005

Procrastination is my buddy for the weekend

I'm supposed to be writing a paper right now. I've been "writing" a paper all weekend. That translates into "I haven't written a single word, I've been playing on the computer looking at everyone's blogs and listening to music". I psyche myself out so much, this is a major problem. It's kind of getting old. The paper is only 5-7 pages. It's on something that I have some ideas, feelings about. But it's the organizing and all of that that's just not going well. And on top of that, I'm severely intimidated by the professor and kind of the course in general. It's a subject that I'm very interested in, but I'm taking it at a school that's very good and by a professor that seems to be very well-trained, read, etc. I'm afraid that what I'll do won't quite measure up to the expectations of the institution and professor. And I want so desperately to do so well. I need to...I'm trying to get into the program at this place. I have to take three classes and get a B- or better to get accepted to this thing.
Ugh.
I think about that later.
We did manage to have a little fun last night. My friend got us some tickets for a really good show that was put on at the MFA. Went for dinner before and drinks after. It felt good to be in the city, being out when everybody else is out. I still have the urging to move into the city. I thought that feeling would go away, but it hasn't. We live about 20 miles north of the city. I do love where we live, but it is slowly getting more and more expensive. A lot of the young, city folk are moving to our city. They are building condos like crazy around here. It's kind of sad actually. I can't say that I really like all of the change. Anyway...sometimes I kind of feel that for the cost it's getting to be around here, we might as well move down into the city and at least be around more stuff. It would be a change though. We are comfortable where we are. We both have very comfortable commutes to where we work, the ocean (my favorite thing) is near-by, and this does feel like home to me. Oh well. For now it is good to have a reason to go down there (friends and Star's gigs).
My doctor's appointment on Wednesday was interesting. It was nice that we actually got to sit down and chat. I've never had that with a doctor before (besides my Ob/gyn). This was my first real visit with my primary in a year. We talked about my miscarriages. I was really touched by how concerned she was about my physical and mental health. She really listened and really seemed to understand. We also talked about my stomach issues. I don't know if that's something I've talked about too much here. For the last year (I can remember exactly the first time it happened, Star's birthday last year), I've been having some horrible stomach issues concerning some uncomfortable issues in the bathroom (I'm sorry...too much detail). When it first happened, I thought that maybe it was just something that happened because of some drinking the day before. But...that seems to not be the case. I think it comes down to anxiety. Why it's manifesting itself in this way? I don't know. At any rate, my doc suggested that I quit drinking coffee...or rather slowly cut it out and then quit. That's a hard thing for me. While I don't drink that much, I do drink it every day. It's going to be a rough thing. She also wanted me to try Prilosic for four weeks. This I don't agree with. When I went to look it up, it only mentioned heartburn and this is a problem I don't have. I also don't want to get into the habit of taking any pills.
I think what I need to do is eat better and get some exercise. That would solve a lot of stuff for me. But it's so damn hard to get going when there's over a foot of snow outside.
I need to get some writing done...for class that is.
I may be back again.

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