mu's world

nothingness

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Pre-birthday blues

I don't know if it really is all good yet, actually. I looked at my checking account this morning and it claims that we are in the negative by about $200. ACK!!! That is not right. Also, there were four more charges that took place in France yesterday. That was supposed to be stopped.
Wish I could enjoy my Saturday.
This time next weekend, me and Star will be in Montreal walking around, enjoying ourselves. So...I'll have time to enjoy.
Maybe if I straighten up this apartment, I'll feel a little better. That always helps me.
I think I had a dream about having an ultrasound last night. I was pregnant. I don't remember any details at all. I just remember having that thought in a dream last night.
Last night, when I was feeling sorry for myself, it occurred to me that my birthday is probably going to be a little emotional this year. I know, I know...I'm not going to be that old...I'll be 28. But, I think it would have been really nice if I could have been a mother-to-be at 28. 28 seems like a good age to have a first child. I want to be a younger mother. I'd rather be a younger mother. I'd really like to have a baby by the time I'm 30. We've got two years to go.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

It's all good

I'm back in a "happy" place this evening.
After stressing all day with the thought of going to the bank in the back of my mind, I got through the day. As soon as I got home from work, I forced Star to get up and go to the bank with me. We had a very helpful gentleman take care of our problems and relieve us of our fears. Apparently the strange card number was a supposed number that was given to Star way back. And...that's about all they can figure out right now. The good news is that we don't have to get all new debit cards, checks, etc. And...tomorrow...our checking account will be credited back the $300 dollars that had been spent as of today. Can you believe it? They are going to start an investigation and we'll see what will happen from there.
Whew.
So, after the bank we went for sushi and spent too much.
Oh well.
So...Halloween is around the corner. I've got to admit that I don't really care so much for the "holiday" anymore. I feel like it' s something for kids. I don't enjoy dressing up, I haven't since I was about 21. We've been invited to three parties this weekend, and I don't really want to go to any. One of them is a ways a way...so we have a good excuse. Another is tomorrow night in the next town over. I think Star is going to go. I'm just not up for it. I don't really know anyone there and I don't really care to meet anyone new. I'm still not feeling too social. I really have a hard time going to parties with strangers and trying to act like I'm interested in talking to them. I suppose I'm a snob at times. I'm also lazy. And...the last time we were at the house of the party that is going on tomorrow night...it was about a week after my second miscarriage. The last party was my first time being around a lot of people after going through that. So...there are some associations that go with that.
I'm kind of looking forward to the weekend being over, already. I want to get through the Halloween party stuff. I'm ready for some peace.
For now...things are looking good.

Honestly...(little bit grumpy this morning)

I do not give two shits about the Red Sox winning the World Series.
Honestly!
Especially when it means that I lost about an hour of sleep due to the assholes that live around here who decided to scream in the streets, honk their horns, and set of fireworks or something. Everyone else is supposedly in a good mood around here, but I'm not.
I also don't appreciate people acting like a have a disease or something when I admit that I'm not a sports fan. Two mornings ago, I had a woman from The Boston Globe call trying to sell me her paper. I told her that we don't really have time, etc (we used to get it, but we never really read it) and she said "Well, most people like to have at least the Sunday paper to check out the Sox and Pat's." When I responded with, "Yeah, we'll me and my husband aren't sports' fans", she was almost speechless. She couldn't believe it.
Anyway...I'm also in a bad mood because of some issues with my bank. Monday, Star called the bank and they weren't that useful. Yesterday afternoon, I realized that we didn't get that money back and that about $100 more dollars were spent in France. So, I called the bank myself. The girl I talked to was COMPLETELY useless. Why have a 800 number that is open until 11 pm if the people working don't know what the hell they are doing? All she could tell me is that I should go to my local branch to speed up the process. I agreed but told her that me and my husband both work until after 5 and their branches aren't opened that late except for Thursday nights...so we haven't been able to get to the bank yet. Argh!!! I'm so frustrated and really tempted to change banks. Though, I don't really want to because I've really liked our bank until now. Plus, the timing on all of this really sucks right not because we are going to Montreal next weekend and we kind of need to have our debit cards. It'd really not be convenient to shut down our account right now.
Hopefully this will get figured out tonight when we go in to the actual bank.
Meanwhile...all the stuff I was stressing about (days off, etc)...it's all good. My manager printed up the wrong schedule and actually realized that she owed me a holiday...so I got next Friday off, which is perfect.
So...I wonder how slow the museum will be today. It's ridiculous to me that highly overpaid men wearing tight pants and playing with their balls can get a whole region all excited.
I'm a grinch...but I hate sports.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Funk (not the good kind)

Last night was pretty uneventful, with the exception of making some of the best acorn squash ever. I love squash! Star had band practice and I watched TV. I don't even really remember what I watched...that's how exciting it all was. Anyway, around 9 pm I realized that I had a headache. I think it was from my worrying. This morning, I do feel a little nervous in my stomach about talking to my manager. I shouldn't be. I know, I know. I keep telling myself this. My manager is very approachable. It was probably just a simple mistake. There probably is a good explanation for it. Ugh.
The holidays are so damn stressful.
I bet if I were still pregnant right now, I wouldn't have to worry about all of this stuff because maybe the in-law's and my parents would come up here. I know, I shouldn't think like that. But it's really hard not to.
I think maybe I'm just getting into my pre-birthday funk. I usually get into one about a week before my birthday. This year it's probably going to be a little worse than in year's past.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Early Holiday stress

Today wasn't really a good day either.
I tried to have a good one. But it seems that no one around me (at work) was having a good one so that effected me more than I would like to admit. I was supervisor today. All was well until a lady I work with seemed as though she kept questioning me on everything, every stupid little thing. This lady is usually kind of fun to work with. She's a little crazy (really she is, she is bi-polar or something) sometimes, but I've never had a problem with her before. But something was up today, and she seemed to take it out on me some. I know it's not personal...but I can't help feeling it.
Then, at the end of work, I got next month's schedule. I was looking it over and all and realized that a day I asked off (in mid-September) was on there. I asked for the day after Thanksgiving off. That's a tricky day to ask off because it's a busy day usually in the museum world. But I did ask for it off (with two months in advance) because we have to go to NJ for the holiday to see Star's parents. My manager told me way back when I asked for it off that she was going to close that weekend off for requests, but since I had asked so far in advance that she'd give it to me anyway. Apparently she forgot. And now I'm stressing out about talking to her about it tomorrow. She's been so good to me in the last couple of months with my miscarriages and all. I feel as though I'm asking for too much, but I did ask a long time ago and Star's family does live in NJ.
Ugh.
I hate the holidays sometimes. Now that I have two families...it can really make the holidays stressful.

A new start

Well, we did finally get to spend a little time together on Sunday afternoon. We took the T into Cambridge and walked the river to see bits of the races. I'm not sure we actually saw any of the racing (I think we were a little late), but we did get a real nice, long walk in. After the walk, we got some lunch and went to my favorite book store. It was a good day.
Yesterday, was not as fun. I was in a fine mood until I got to work and started to immediately feel kind of pissy. I don't know what it was exactly. Someone called in sick, so that changed my whole schedule. But, actually I didn't mind so much because it was the guy that drives me crazy anyway. Maybe it's the lunar eclipse that's going on or something, but I didn't feel quite right and lot of people around me at work feel the same way.

Besides all of that, I'm trying to be proactive (or something) about my body. A couple of days ago, I started taking my basal temps. It does appear (I think) that I'm ovulating right now. I'm happy about this, but also surprised. I didn't think this would happen so soon. I'm also thinking that when I was bleeding a couple of weeks ago, that it was indeed my period. I do think that I'm going to wait until my next cycle to do that bloodwork for the test my doctor wants to do. And, wait a little longer to go on the birth control. I want to get familiar with my cycles (temps, lengths, etc) before I start changing anything with the pill.

Another thing I've been concerned with in the last few days, is going back to school. This is a whole other subject that I won't really go into right now, but the school thing has some hold on me right now too. I'll get into it more later.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Sunday, Sunday

Strange, strange dreams last night. But I liked them, I think. They are kind of responsible for waking me up this morning. I was dreaming about Star. And Jude Law was one of his buddies. How funny is that? I'm dreaming about Jude Law. He was in that movie yesterday afternoon. I think I also dreamed that I was fourteen weeks pregnant (which I probably would be if I were still pregnant). That part of the dream was strange because I didn't feel sad or anything. It was kind of just matter-of-fact.
Today, we will attempt to go into Cambridge. This weekend is the Head of the Charles. I've only been once before and that was about five years ago (interestingly enough...I went on the day of the "first date" with Star, though not with him). It's kind of fun, rubbing elbows with the private and Ivy-league school kids. It also doesn't cost money. It's nice to do things in the city that doesn't cost anything.
So, the hard part will be getting my husband up. He's rough. The process will start now.