mu's world

nothingness

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Having a lame Saturday night while someone is spending my money in France

I probably shouldn't even waste your time (or mine) blogging because I don't really have too much to say. I'm kind of bored and in the mood to type. Does that sound strange? I like to type. I should have been a receptionist or something.
Anyway...not too much to report. Star is doing some work for my neighbor's business tonight. It kind of sucks, but I guess I may be getting used to it. I got to watch and hour of "Sex in the City". That kind of made my boring Saturday night a little better.
We did get out today, a little. I bought a fabulous orange bag and we saw the film "I Heart Huckabees". Very, very, very good. I highly recommend it. It was interesting to see that eight people walked out on the film. They were probably bored or something. It's the kind of film that you've got to be into or you will be lost or bored. It's a philosophical film/movie. But it's also really funny. Who knew that Mark Wahlberg could be hilarious.
Oh, this is interesting. Earlier tonight, I was looking at our checking account on the internet. I check in frequently to see which checks have gone through, etc. Anyway, as I was looking through all of the action going on in our account, I came across five transactions that made no sense at all. I called my husband in to see if the numbers or names made any connection. He didn't recognize them. Apparently, it seems that somebody is using our account to pay for random items in France and Spain. I kid you not! We aren't quite sure yet. And of course, we discover this all on a Saturday night and the bank won't be opened for another day. Anyway...it seems like these purchases are being made from highway stores or something. They all seem to have route numbers on them. It's crazy. The most maddening part of all of this is that I feel jealous because our money seems to be being spent in a part of the world that I've always wanted to go to and have never been. UGH! I'm pissed. The more I think about it, the more I'm pissed. It's all very strange. And even stranger, is the the amount in which these transactions are in. One transaction was for just 89 cents, another for about 71 dollars.
Crazy.
I'm hoping/wondering if maybe it's the bank's mistake. I hope we get all of our money back.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Remembering five years ago

Well, it's Friday. Yay! Thank goodness. I do live for the weekends. It's not that work is so bad. It's not that bad. I actually like my job quite a bit most times. It's just that there are a couple of people (2 in fact) that I really can't stand being around. I've mentioned these people before. I won't really get into it now. Except to say that, one is a little psycho and the other is a psycho/pathological-liar (I truly believe). So when Friday comes along, I feel really relieved because it means that I get a break from these freaks.

So...this weekend is the five year anniversary of me and Star's first pseudo-date. October23rd, to be precise. I call the event "pseudo" because it didn't start off as a date. At least I didn't think so. Our beginning is kind of a funny story. The first time I ever laid eyes on Star was at a St. Patrick's Day party at the apartment that I lived in at the time. I lived with three other girls. One of my roommates was seriously dating a friend of Star's. So, somehow Star was invited to our house. I was never introduced to him at the time. I only saw him from a distance and couldn't figure out why this kid was at my apartment. He was loud and had really red, kind of fake hair (turned out it was dyed for a play he was in at the time). All I could think was "who the hell invited this guy? Who is he?" A month later, there was another party at our apartment (we probably had one major party a month back then). This time it was a joint birthday party for some friends. Again, Star showed up and was loud. I was a bit put off and just didn't really think about him at all except to think that he was obnoxious. But later in the night, the party took a strange turn.
I don't know if it's normal or if it's because I went to a college where everybody was sexually frustrated (Christian, liberal arts), but the party suddenly turned into a massage circle. It was late, we all had quite a bit to drink, and now we were all getting touchy or being touched. I was being touched. I was getting the best massage of my life from Star! It freaked me out. I thought the guy was obnoxious, but his hands felt so damn good. And, he was trying to get close. At that moment I knew that I was drunk enough to do something that could of regretted. I suddenly got up, said I had to go to the bathroom, and then practically hid in my bedroom (in my bed). About fifteen minutes later, he was knocking on my door asking for me. I pretended to be asleep and hoped he would not come into my room. He didn't.
I didn't see Star too much after that. I did run into him once at a lecture at school, but I just never made eye contact and didn't acknowledge him. I was so embarrassed that I let someone who I didn't like (at the time) touch me. Five months after the party incident, Star moved in with my roommate's boyfriend. This meant that we'd be seeing a lot of Star. The guys (5 of them) moved into an amazing ten bedroom house near the ocean. The house was really, really old and in desperate need of repair. It didn't even have heat on the third floor where some bedrooms were. Me and my roommates just loved to hang out at the house, and we would even when the guys weren't around. Eventually, Star just became one of the guys to me and I almost forgot about the party incident. He never mentioned it, I never mentioned it...he seemed like a different person to me. But I still just considered him kind of like a little brother of some sort. He's a little more than two years younger than me. And at the time (five years ago) that was kind of a big deal, especially because he was not of drinking age.
One weekend (exactly five years ago), all of my roommates were away for some reason and so were his. We were chatting at some party and decided that we should go see a movie that we both wanted to see (Fight Club). So, on a Saturday night, we went to see the movie. After the movie, we went for dinner. After dinner, we went back to my apartment and I made him watch You've Got Mail. It was so comfortable and easy. I (almost) totally forgot about the weirdness I felt before. I just felt like I had a new friend. He ended up falling asleep on the couch and I just went back to my room to go to bed. The next morning, I went to make coffee and realized that he was still on the couch. We hung out all morning and into the afternoon. We had coffee, did some watercolors paintings, and just talked all morning. Eventually he had to go and it was good because I had to write a paper for a night class I was taking at the time. As I was finishing up my paper, Star called me on the phone. I suggested going for a ride. I went to go pick him up and we went for a ride and a walk. When I went to his house to pick him up, I realized I really liked hanging out with him. On our walk, we were in a store and I remember the exact point of when I realized I liked him. We were looking at something on a shelf when he put his hand on my back, for just a moment...but that was it. That was when I realized that I could like him more than just a friend.
From that moment on, I started with a crush that took about two weeks before it became more. I was realizing that I was thinking about him all of the time. I would look forward to when I would go up to his house with my roommates. I would get a little jealous if he'd ask me about one of my roommates. It took off from there.

So...this is it...the five year anniversary. I can't believe it's only been five years. I feel like we've known each other forever. I'm looking forward to making this weekend special.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Not too much going on here

Not too much to say at the moment but I thought I'd check in since I haven't really made an "appearance" in the last couple of days. Right now, Hubby is on the phone with the Gallup Poll. Yes, the Gallup Poll is on the phone right now. They've been calling us for the last week, trying to talk to Star. The poll isn't too exciting, or so I don't think so. I was hoping that they were going to call asking what we think about the presidential election. But nope, they want to know what Hubby listens and watches on radio and television.
Anyway...like I said...not too much going on right now. Just working and...that's about it. I did, however, just get home from going out to dinner and drinks with two co-worker. It was really nice. We had to bitch and catch up.
So...I won't bore with you with anymore details.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Thirteen weeks

Yesterday was a rough day. I'm not exactly sure what set me off. It might have been when I read a fellow blogger's post about her "angel day". I cried a little reading some poems. Those were the first tears shed for the day. Then later in the day, I was watching that show on TLC. That made me sad and jealous (and a little angry). For the most part of the day, I was okay. Me and Star went to a "film" festival that was put on by the local Peace and Justice group around here. We just saw one "film". (I'm using the word "film" loosely here.) When ever we go to these things sponsored by the Peace and Justice group, we are the youngest people in there, easily, by 40 years. It's kind of sad that there don't seem to be many (any) people our age going to these things. Anyway...I was okay during all that.
After the "film", we decided that we were going to get some dinner. I was starving, I hadn't eaten anything all day. Then, after dinner we were going to pick up some much needed items from Target. On the way to getting dinner, Star found out that he was going to have to work for our neighbor at 6:00. It was 4:00 when we got this message. There was no way to get dinner and do Target in two hours. I just about started to flip out. I was very annoyed and confused. My patience was kind of no where to be found.
So, we continued to the restaurant to get our food to go. Meanwhile, besides being annoyed, I was also starving...so that was effecting my mood too. We finally got home to eat. Star had to soon rush off. I had a friend call and want us to come over for dinner. I just ignored her call and let the machine pick up. I was in a bad, sour mood.
After Star left, I was watching a movie and TV. This time I found some show on the Discovery Channel about special deliveries. This is almost when I completely lost it. I watched the show and cried and cried. Seeing all of those little newborn babies made me rerealize, for the thousandth time, what me and Star are missing out on. Yes, sometimes it gives a little comfort to utter the words that it can/will still happen. But knowing that we had it and then lost it...there's really no comfort there.
If I were still pregnant, I would be about thirteen weeks along. Thirteen weeks! I would be out of my first trimester. I would be finished with one of the scarier parts of pregnancy. Why could my body not wait this long? It didn't feel like a long time. The last two months have gone by so quickly.
So, I watched that show for a little while and then stopped. I started to watch some stupid movie that just about bore me to tears...literally. I went into my bedroom to try to find a cat to cuddle. I laid down with her for a little while, she ran away. I was probably freaking her out. Soon after that, Star came home from work. I came out of the bedroom and he told me of some people that he ran into (that I work with) and then asked me if I wanted to go to a movie or something. My answer, "I don't know. I'm bored to death. I just want to go to sleep!" Then I started bawling and continued to do so for about half an hour. I didn't calm down really until I laid in Star's arms.
We talked about having really sad days. He told me about how he was really sad on Thursday night, the night that he was doing the parent/teacher conferences at school. He'd seen two little girls playing that first reminded him of what me and my sister must of been like when we were that age, but then made him sad. I think I've said this before, but I think sometimes it's even harder for Star in a way. These changes didn't happen in his body. Plus, he isn't a crier...at all. I've seen him cry twice in the whole time we've been together. It's not that he's a tough guy, he isn't. He's a very sensitive man. He seems to take out his sadness or anger in doing projects and writing his music. He's able to disguise it a little, put it to good.
Anyway, getting to lay in his arms and cry did help some. It helps for now until my next burst. I've had a burst about once a week, but I'm usually able to keep it under wraps. Last night, there was no holding it in.
The good thing about my cry is that I finally slept all the way through the night and woke up at a decent hour.