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nothingness

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Yay...Hump-day

I'm beat.
I just got home from work about a half hour ago. I usually get out of work at around 5pm, but tonight we had our monthly staff meeting. It's kind of a joke, but I do get paid for it. Tonight it was really difficult to get through because I'm not feeling so well at the moment. Remember earlier in the week, I mentioned the hangover with a linger? Well, the linger seems to be something real. It's either allergies or a cold of some sort. I don't know which is worse. I never had allergies my whole life until about two years ago. And so far, I haven't had Fall allergies. But...there's always a first and this may be it. I'm in the stage of a super sniffly nose and itchy throat. This is all complimented with swollen glands and pressure on my sinuses. Ugh. Meanwhile, I really don't feel like I could call out (it hasn't gotten to that point yet) from work because I've already had too many sick days these last couple of months. Fortunately, my manager is really great. She's been so good to me during these last few months with all of my miscarriage drama. She's actually told me that I'm one of her favorites. I feel a little guilty about that, but it's kind of handy too.
Anyway...I'm a little exhausted.

Thank you Christine and Crista again for your comments on my post. Right now I'm just thinking about taking a breather (when my nose isn't stuffed) with all of this stuff. I definitely will go for that 21 day cycle test, whenever that may be. And in the meanwhile, get good and serious about taking care of myself. I'm not a healthy person, honestly. I don't eat well. I drink more than I should. I don't exercise. I don't take my vitamins. I don't drink enough water. There are so many little things that I should be doing for myself, anyway, that I'm not doing. I feel like I should get into the habit of these things before I go ahead with all sorts of testings. I feel like I need to be honest with myself and body before I go to a doctor, asking for a specialist, to get these things done. I guess that's where I'm at. Right now, this day.
But it could change tomorrow.

Today I saw the most beautiful baby at the museum. She was amazing. She had to be the fastest crawler I've ever seen. And even cuter was seeing the way her father (I assume) was with her. For a second, I could feel myself getting a little teary-eyed if I'd let it happen. But yesterday, I also saw a lady with a small, little Chinese girl that was obviously hers and adopted. And the pride and love you could see in the mother's eyes were just as apparent (if not more) as it was with the father and the little crawler. That's what I (we) do want some day. And I think I do trust that it will happen some day. Yes, I very much want to experience motherhood through pregnancy and birthing. But, I also want to experience it any way I can. Even if it means adopting.
I say this now and I really mean it. But, Friday when I'm waiting for the results on my blood test I know I'll be feeling a little more sensitive on the subject.
Right now I'm just going to try to let things be as they are. I can't really do too much at the moment. Just wait...and think positive thoughts.

2 Comments:

  • At October 7, 2004 at 12:06 PM, Blogger Mias2Angels said…

    I will be thinking about you Friday! We are dealing with the sickness here too. Never good. I hope you get to feeling better soon. Adoption is always in the back of our minds too. We will support you no matter what route you choose.

     
  • At October 8, 2004 at 11:25 AM, Blogger Crista said…

    You know yourself best, and you should definitely do what feels right to you! I'm sorry you've not been feeling well, but hope it gets better soon. Keep thinking those positive thoughts!

     

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