mu's world

nothingness

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Wish it were some time tomorrow night

Oh boy.
Today has been a rough one. I've been weepy on and off since about 10:30 this morning. Saying goodbye to B and S was even harder than I'd already been planning on it to be.
We got to their apartment around 9:30. They were still putzin' around doing who-knows-what. There was still a little bit to put into their U-Haul. They had the most unorganized moving experience I've ever been witness to. I found myself hurriedly putting things into the U-Haul because I kind of wanted to get all of done and over with. Towards the end...it was time to find their kitties to put into the vehicle. One of the cats could not be found. So there were seven of us wandering throughout the empty apartment, the apartment buildings hallways and basement, and even looking around outside in the yard (the cat is an indoor cat). I finally found the cat in the bedroom under a comforter. I saved the day. Putting the cat into the car was when I started to get weepy. Suddenly it was all feeling real. I think I held in my weepiness until the end when I gave S a hug. All at once, I just couldn't hold it in. I started bawling while I was holding S. I couldn't believe myself but I couldn't help it either. Then I started laughing at the same time because I felt incredibly embarrassed. I've never cried in front of anyone else before (of course, except for my husband, sister, and parents...they don't count though). It was all so strange.
So...I've been missing them or I should say, I'm really missing S. I know that this move is very difficult for her and I feel like no one really realizes this. Except for her husband, I hope. She's a very quiet, shy, and lonely person. We got on real well. We are similar in many ways and this is just so hard. I think this is the first time I've really felt like I've lost a friend.
And then another thing that I just couldn't get out of my head is that I haven't been really open with S lately. She still doesn't know about my second miscarriage. And even the first one, she found out about way after it happened. It's not her fault at all. It's all been because I've been too uptight about talking about it. But I think I've decided (with the help of Star's advice) to write S a letter in a little while to let her know about how stuff has gone down lately. I feel like that might explain a lot of why me and Star have been kind of MIA with a lot of life lately.
So...the day has been rough.
And soon, we are off to celebrate a friend's birthday with drinks at a fancy bar. This friend (J) I haven't seen since July. And at that time I told her about my first miscarriage. I shouldn't have done it in the setting at the time when I did it. It's strange, I haven't seen her since then...and so much has happened. I don't think anything will be awkward because J is the kind of friend that I can just pick up with her at anytime. But...since I've been so sad and sentimental...I don't know how the night will go.
I suppose I should go do something with my hair. It looks like a greasy mess. Ick.

5 Comments:

  • At October 3, 2004 at 8:16 PM, Blogger Mias2Angels said…

    ((((((((((HUGS)))))))) I'm so sorry that your friends moved away! I mis my friends who moved too. I didn't believe ti was real until the moment they drive away, and even then I had trouble for weeks. I hope the few drinks you are going to have at your other friends b-day party will help you feel better, at least for a little while. ((HUGS))

     
  • At October 3, 2004 at 8:26 PM, Blogger Crista said…

    I'm sorry you had such a rough day (and weekend in general) but I hope you have some fun tonight.

    I also just wanted to wish you luck tomorrow. I hope the appointment goes well and you can feel good about getting some answers, or at least putting a plan in place. That helped me a lot. If you want to be a geek like me, bring a paper with all of your questions written or printed out. There's no way I can ever remember all of my questions without having them on paper! Not to mention that I like to take notes since I don't trust myself to remember everything the docs say either. I look forward to reading your update tomorrow!

    Oh, and thanks for the kind words on my blog today, too. Knock on wood, there hasn't been any more spotting, so maybe it was related to the trans-vaginal u/s on Friday. Here's hoping it just doesn't come back. I don't need to freak out! :)

     
  • At October 3, 2004 at 11:21 PM, Blogger Crista said…

    I'm really mad at blogger right now since a comment I made a while ago hasn't shown up on your blog tonight. Maybe it will later, but I at least wanted to try commenting again to wish you luck at the appointment tomorrow! If it helps, bring a list of questions with you. That's what I usually do so I can remember everything I want to ask. I hope all goes well!!!!

     
  • At October 3, 2004 at 11:23 PM, Blogger Crista said…

    Never mind -- there it is now! I don't know what the heck was up with that...but anyway, I'm not stalking you, I promise. :)

     
  • At October 4, 2004 at 9:06 PM, Blogger thasme said…

    Sorry your friends moved away. Wish it were sometime tonight.

    I love you moon (yr the star on this arm...)

     

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