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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Feeling fretful

Well...today is my much anticipated day off. YAY!!! Yes I know, I just had the weekend off. But there's just something about having a weekday off when you usually work a Monday-Friday, 9-5 job. So...today is the day.
But (there's always a "but"), there's a problem. I couldn't sleep very well last night. Me and Star went to bed at around 10:30 last night. We chatted for a little while once we were in bed. He was conked out at 11:00 and I was still awake at 12:00. I definitely woke up a few times throughout the night. And then this morning...I'm wide awake at 5:30 (17 minutes ago)! Damn it! What's my problem? (Oh yeah...no chance of going back to sleep and sleeping in...I made a 9:00 brow waxing appointment.)
Last night I was thinking too much. I don't remember exactly what I was thinking about, but my mind wouldn't stop. Plus I was feeling mildly crampy. Again, this morning...I'm still feeling a little bit crampy and my mind won't stop.
I suppose I may be feeling a little fretful today.
I'm going into the Cambridge/Somerville area today to see my friend N. Suddenly I'm feeling anxiety about all kinds of stupid things...like...finding parking at the T stop, riding on the T, getting home at a good hour...etc. Anxiety is kicking in and not letting me enjoy my weekday off. I hate this. What gets me the most is that the route I'm taking to get into the city today, is the route that I used to take to work for two years back when I worked in Cambridge (5 years ago). There's no need (AT ALL) for me to be anxious about anything. There's a part of me that feels like I can turn it off, but then there's a part that still seems to hang out in there. Honestly, I'm afraid that if I didn't actually have plans to meet someone, I would not go in.

Yeah...so maybe I should still be looking for a therapist.

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