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Tuesday, September 21, 2004

More gripes and inane thoughts

If it wasn't bad enough that I have to drive by the "Birth Center" every time I head towards the blood lab (it's in the same complex area as the hospital), I usually have to see numerous pregnant women. And to top that off...I see other fellow patients that make me invent stories for them. Like the second week after my miscarriage. Me and Star were in the waiting room of the lab...and sure enough there was a very happy and anxious looking couple sitting across from us. The women kept smiling at her husband (I'm assuming) and he kept smiling back. I imagined that they probably took some home pregnancy test and were in to get the official blood results. Today when I was at the hospital, as soon as I sat in the waiting area to be registered, I heard a man (carrying a huge, colorful bag) ask where the maternity ward was. Then later when I was actually in the waiting room of the lab, I saw this younger girl (probably 23 or something). She was all decked out in some disgusting pastel pink, skin-tight jean number with terrible high heels. She was waiting to get her blood done and all I could figure was that she's probably pregnant and doesn't want it. I don't know why on earth I would think that thought, but I did. And besides that I hated what she was wearing (I'm terrible!), I was starting to hate her because I was imagining that she was pregnant. My mind gets too imaginative at times.
Ugh.
Then at other times (and these times are more often), I get really excited and teary-eyed when I see other pregnant women. I know it's a mixture of a jealous thing and of a not understanding why I can't seem to stay pregnant. I know that many women who've suffered through miscarriages have gone through similar feelings and thoughts. Some days it's easier to handle than others. Especially on the days when I've got to deal with the reminders.

P.S...Thanks Christine for your words. I should find out the results tomorrow or the day after at the latest.

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