mu's world

nothingness

Friday, September 17, 2004

Getting there

I finally heard from my doctor's office yesterday afternoon. The nice nurse left me a message to say that my quant number has gone down to 14. I guess that's good because she sounded kind of happy about it. On Tuesday I get to go to the blood lab at the hospital yet again. Is this normal? I'm so confused as to what is normal and what is not in concerning a miscarriage. I hear that some women get D&C's right away. I feel fortunate to not having to go through that, so far.
I get to see my Doctor on October 4th. I'm looking forward to that and dreading that at the same time. I want to have answers, I want to know about some tricks or something. But I do know that there is a very good chance that there is nothing that she can tell me. One moment I feel okay about that, but then I don't. I'm not sure if I can handle another miscarriage. And especially if when the next time I'm pregnant, we'd actually planned it.
It's all frustrating and tiring. I over analyze everything. I make promises to myself. I'm going to eat right. I'm going to try to lose 20 pounds. I'm only going to drink on special occasions. I'm going to take my vitamins every day. Maybe I'll take warbles. I have all of these plans that I want to do to better myself because I want to try to get pregnant again in six months. But, I'm lazy and I'm a procrastinator. And to top it off...I still have some sort of pregnancy hormones in me and until I actually get my period next...I'm not really feeling like I can move on yet.

2 Comments:

  • At September 17, 2004 at 9:22 AM, Blogger Christine said…

    Hi, I just found your blog, and I"ve already tried commenting once, but blogger spit it back out. So we'll try again!

    I'm so sorry for your losses. I, too, have had two miscarriages in a row. The first was last November, and then again in February. Your posts on your blog bring back so many familiar feelings, I just had to reach out to you.

    I found, after my second m/c, that blooging was a godsend for me. It was a wonderful way to get the confusing thoughts and emtions out of my head, and it also led me to meet a wonderful group of women who have experienced similar things. I hope that you find peace and comfort in your blogging.

    After my second, I pushed my doctor to refer me to a specialist for extensive testing (yup, more bloodwork!). Usually, OBs won't refer you until after 3 m/c's because two is still considered "normal." I wanted testing before we tried again because I was terrified of being pregnant again and of possibly losing another. I wanted to know if there was something wrong with me that might be causing these miscarriages. I fortunately found out that mymiscarriages were jsut random occurances, and I'm currently in a seemingly healthy pregnancy. If you want answers, I recommend that you push to see a specialist as well. The testing that an OB does is not very extensive.

    I invite you to visit my blog. The posts that I wrote further back are about what I went through after my miscarriages. My more recent posts are about my current pregnancy (I'm not offended if you want to avoid those. I would have at the time). There is also a list on the side column of blogs written by women that have or are going through pregnancy loss. Some are now pregnant, some are still trying. These women have been inspirational to me.

    {{Hugs}} to you on your recovery. Take your time, and be good to yourself. If there is anything that I can do, you know where to find me.

     
  • At September 17, 2004 at 9:27 AM, Blogger Crista said…

    Hi Moon.

    First, I am so very sorry for your losses. I have been where you are, and I know the sorrow, pain, and frustration. The details of my miscarriages are similar to yours, especially in terms of the timeframe. Everything you are feeling is completely normal. Socializing and celebration was incredibly hard for me for a long time, and it's still not what it once was. I also had similar desires to change so many things about myself, just like you talked about in this post.

    Second, in terms of the medical stuff, if your OB/Gyn doesn't offer a work-up of testing, INSIST upon it. You have had two miscarriages, and you deserve some answers. Some docs wait until a 3rd happens, but most have changed this archaic view and begin trying to be proactive after the second. If your doc doesn't agree, find a new doctor who will. You may want to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist, or ask for a referral from your OB/Gyn.

    As for the HCG, it is indeed good that it is decreasing on it's own. I did have to have a D&C, both times, and while it's not a horrific or terribly physically painful experienece, it is a very difficult thing emotionally -- not that miscarrying naturally isn't, either, but it sounds like you are past that point now, and it's good that your body seems to be dealing with everything naturally. Once the HCG gets below 5, you'll likely get your period any day (or vice versa -- it may show, and you'll find your HCG is below 5).

    I know you said you have found other blogs (I think mine included since it looks like you commented but then deleted it), but if you need anything, please let me know. The thing about having a miscarriage is that it brings you into an inner circle of women -- one no one really wants to enter, nor see anyone else join -- but one that involves an incredible amount of support and understanding. Know that you are not alone.

    Hugs to you...

     

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