mu's world

nothingness

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Back from fantasy world

We're back after spending an amazingly lovely weekend in the country and wilderness of Vermont. Ilovermont! I do, I do. I think we could spend some time there, some day. I'm a little surprised by how quickly I took to the emptiness of it all.
We arrived there late Friday night. We ended up spending three nights at a huge house with about 4-6 (depending on the night) people. The house was an old painting retreat of some man who was painting back in the late 40's. On Saturday, I took part in a beautiful, weepy bridal shower at a ritzy golf course club house in Manchester, VT. Sunday evening was the actual wedding. The wedding took place on some common land of a couple of different farmers. It was a beautiful meadow surrounded by the foothills of the Green Mountains.
It was all so perfect.
And...it was all pretty relaxing for me. I finally felt relaxed this weekend. For the first time in about three weeks. I was able to, not quite forget, but to think beyond the shit that me and my husband have been dealing with lately. All of our close friends at the wedding knew about our first miscarriage. Nobody knows about the second one. The one that has been the hardest. And the celebration of our best friends' wedding was not the time to share this news.
The wedding ceremony itself was very short and simple. Something that was good, because I might not have been able to handle anything else, emotionally.
I did hear from my doctor's office earlier in the day on Friday about my quant number. Between Tuesday and Thursday it had gone down a couple of more tenths. Unfortunately, I have to go back to the lab tonight to get some more blood drawn. I think that after this trip to the lab, they will be making some sort of decision on the next step. I did ask the nurse about a D&C and she seemed to think that they would consider some sort of shot instead. I'd never heard of this before, but I think I'd rather take a shot than the other option.
So...I'm hoping that this is soon over.
Meanwhile...after a beautiful three day weekend in the country, I'm back in the city going to work.
I miss Vermont.

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