mu's world

nothingness

Friday, August 27, 2004

Good day for the beach

Just got up. Feeling a slight bit fizzy. Since I haven't been drinking too much these days, the two vodka and sodas that I did have seem to be making my head feel a little bit funny. I also didn't drink too much water yesterday either. Excuses, excuses.
Well, the "party" went off without a hitch. Our fun neighbor was already drunk (pretty much) by the time she got down here. It was her birthday afterall. She came down with these two women that I didn't really know. One of them I've seen around. She owns a store down the street. The other I don't ever recall seeing her before. She claims she's met me. Either she was just saying that (I find that people do just say things like that) or she really met me once. If that's the case, I feel horrible about not remembering her. People do that do me all fo the time. So, the three of them come on in. Star (my hubby) wasn't back yet from his chore at the shore. I was alone for a bit with these ladies. (Something to note. All of these women are the same age or older than my mother. That's a little wierd to me.) It got a little overwhelming because these ladies starting asking/commenting on everything all at the same time. Are these your pictures? I hope you don't mind, I love looking at pictures. You are such a beautiful bride. Oh, you have pictures of when you were little kids. Oh where was this one taken? Where's Star? Where does he work? Oh, which shore? I'm from that city? Is it near East Beach? Oh look at the kitties! They are so beautiful! What are their names? How long have you lived here? This is a beautiful apartment? How much do you pay? When I was a kid this part of town was the worst. Do you have any vodka? What else do you have to drink?
It went on and on. It wasn't the having to talk and answer questions that I had a problem with, it was the rate that these questions came at while at the same time, they were both touching me a lot. Star finally came home with a story of an encounter with a little critter at the bathhouse. The ladies loved it. Except for drunk neighbor. A couple of more people showed up. It got pretty loud (there were only seven of us), we ordered pizza, and somehow we got drunk neighbor to stay until the end. That's the first time ever. Oh yeah, and those two ladies were a couple. I should have realized it in the beginning.
So, I just woke up from a strange dream that I don't appreciate too much. It's frustrating to me how I can't really explain dreams too well. So, I'll just kind of give the basic gist of it. I was with Star at some sort of restaurant or bar. We were with three or four people I'd never seen before in real life. They were really chatty with Star. Not so much with me (like in real life...I guess I give off vibes when I really think someone seems to me to be a hoochy). We had terrible service at the restaurant. The waiter never came over more than twice and we only got half of our meals. And then to top it off, we were stuck because the waiter never brought our bill. After a while, we just left. It was the hoochy girls' idea. So, we left and I think we ended up on some trail in some small mountain (I don't understand it either...this is my dreamlife). Star was ahead of me with one of the hooch's. The tall, skinny blonde one. The short chubby brunnette was attempting to make conversation with me. I was kind of falling for it because I was getting kind of angry with Star for walking so far ahead with other girl. I'm not sure where we walked to but in the next part of the dream we were at our apartment. But not really our apartment. It was actually an apartment that I lived in when me and Star first started dating. So, we are back at "home" , it appears to be around Christmas. I have Christmas decorations everywhere. I'm by myself in a room and in the next, Star is in a room with the two hoochs. I'm trying to make myself busy because I am increasingly getting angry and jealous. Then, the tall, skinny blonde comes in and starts chatting with me. I start to think she's nice. She's really intrigued by me and Star and our relationship and home. I can tell she's actually jealous. We make small talk for a while, but then I start to get a little annoyed that I haven't seen my hubby since we got back home. So, I act like I go down the hall for something, but when I pass a room where Star and chubby brunnette are in, I just about go ballistic hearing them laugh and laugh. After a bit, I go back to the original room and I then start to feel like tall skinny is just in the room to keep me occupied.
This is a horrible dream. I wake up and feel mad at my husband. I have these sort of dreams more often than I would like. And then I feel guilty for having them. Once in a while I tell Star about these dreams. He takes it pretty well. I wouldn't. If he told me that he was having dreams that I was cheating on him, I'd be really hurt. I don't understand these dreams. I know for a fact that I have nothing to worry about in real life. I do think I have an inkling of where it comes from though. When we first started dating, I was super insecure about Star deciding not to be with me. I was always afraid that he'd tire of me. It was a horrible feeling. Poor guy. He does so well with all of my issues.
Enough of the bad dream.
I think I'm going to the beach today. I feel a little guilty about going. I am, afterall, supposed to be at work. But, wouldn't going to the beach help me a little? Maybe. I haven't yet had a beach day yet this summer. How depressing.

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